can i be bad?

sometimes you gotta hand ot over to the villains on tv...or movies..or the corrupt government officials... when they feel like the world is ganging up on them, even if it was their fault, they kick, scream, curse, throw things, setup traps...even mangle a limb or two in order to get back at their (supposed) oppressor...buti pa sila...but what about folks like me? someone who was brought up not to be violent, use peaceful means in order to settle differences...and not to mention, as a teacher, maintain a high moral and emotional standard where violence is never an option....but what i need is a release!!! after today, i feel physically and emotionally beaten to a pulp. so much so that even a student who is not what you would peg as sensitive noticed my sad demeanor. of course, i can always look back at this time last year, when about the same thing happened, being reduced to something like a pond scum, being told in effect that i was good for nothing...and yet i've managed to live through it....but the old battle wounds have been reopened, compromising my very existence. it doesn't help a teeny bit that a bunch of us were trampled upon....same wounds...same group of people. for once in my life, i want to be a villain and just get a piece of that one person who is responsible for this. can i actually wait for heaven to settle the score? i want to punch this person on the face, and i'll take any punch, even if its a sucker punch...perhaps, perhaps, i just need some time to cool off, count one till a million and face tomorrow with a smile. then, that, perhaps can be my revenge. for even if i have been beaten to a pulp, i shall stand smiling in front of my oppressor. how about that? in the meantime, is the football field free? i wanna scream on top of my lungs...curses not included.